29 Witty Wife Memes Mocking Men's Marriage Mannerisms

Author image for Kim Cohen
Kim Cohen
Aug 23, 2023 3:00 PM EDT

Marriage is supposed to be the sacred union of two souls, or in some cases, two distinct species, because let's face it, only once you're married do you truly learn all of one another's quirks.

Witty wives from around the world will be the first to laugh at their husbands habits, and we're here for it. From chopping onions like a heart surgeon to not finding the sock that's right in front of their face and everything in between, us wives will LOVE this bunch of memes that are a true collection of men's marriage mannerisms.

Let's face it - there's nothing quite like lovingly poke fun at our other halves right? After all, it's these charming things that keep the laughter alive in the sacred institution of matrimony. So, here's to husbands and their lovable, laughable ways today we celebrate your endearing quirks that make you unique…or not in this case. Enjoy!

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  • 01
    Sports gear - Me (in a rush): can you chop the onion? My husband chopping the onion:
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  • 02
    Formal wear - Me at bedtime making sure my husband doesn't dare stray from his side of the king-sized bed de Floa
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  • 03
    Forehead - My husband on our family vacation vs. me.
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  • 04
    Sleeve - My husband and I waving back to the neighbor and praying she doesn't cross over to chat
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  • 05
    Font - I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids My husband could never cheat on me because he would literally need me to make that plan for him.
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  • 06
    Font - I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids Everyone thinks they won't be that couple that goes from 'everything you do is a turn on' to 'you're breathing too loud' but they will be, oh they will be
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  • 07
    Font - I Hide From My Kids @IHideFrom MyKids Here's how I get my husband to fix stuff: I threaten to hire a handyman. Follow me for more marriage hacks.
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  • 08
    Font - I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids ... I put my husband in charge of the bread baking in the oven. When I returned hours later he asked if he should remove the bread. The thing is, I can throw a knife faster than he can say "just kidding".
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  • 09
    Font - I Hide From My Kids @IHideFrom MyKids My husband and I committed to never yelling at our kids. Then we had kids. ...
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  • 10
    Font - I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids My husband broke his hand so I opened the pickle jar for him. He said "thanks". I said "it's no big dill". Then I put the mostly empty dip back in the fridge and stood in front of the drawer he needed.
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  • 11
    Font - I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids when my husband calls in the middle of playing basketball I just ask which hospital ...
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  • 12
    Font - I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids ... My husband put the dishes away. If you have any information about their whereabouts we are deeply concerned for their safety at this time.
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  • 13
    Font - I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids My husband accused me of hiding the good snacks. They were in the snack cupboard. Where snacks live.
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  • 14
    Font - I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids what my husband loves most about me is my need to pause the tv to pee when there's exactly 2 minutes left in our show :
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  • 15
    Font - I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids ... Pillow talk when you're married in your 40s is whispering things like "when I die, if you need access to the accounts, just hold my phone up to my dead face"
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  • 16
    Font - I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids I asked my husband to put the broccoli in the microwave. Apparently I was supposed to also ask him to turn it on.
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  • 17
    Font - I Hide From My Kids @lHideFromMyKids My husband cooked and cleaned to prove that he can do anything I do and yep he totally won that argument *cracks beer*
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  • 18
    Font - I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids Dating: you're going out with your boys again? Marriage: please just leave this house
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  • 19
    Font - I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids My husband acts like separate blankets is a gateway to separate houses as if sharing a blanket doesn't have me weighing my options
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  • 20
    Product - I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids When I see couples my age holding hands I just assume they're cheating on their spouses
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  • 21
    Font - I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids Listening to my husband lecture my 10yo about hygiene as if there hasn't been a family of Rice Krispies living in his beard since breakfast
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  • 22
    Font - I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids My husband and I do this cute thing where I send him grocery shopping and then criticize everything he bought
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  • 23
    Font - I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids I asked my husband where he bought those cute little ice packs I've been using in the kids lunches and yep they're from his vasectomy
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  • 24
    Font - I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids I whisper "that'll be all, manservant" as my husband closes the last of the drawers and cupboards I've left open in my wake
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  • 25
    Font - Jawbreaker @sixfootcandy Husband: *rearranging our throw pillows* Me: [from upstairs] That's not how they go.
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  • 26
    Font - Jawbreaker @sixfootcandy It's amusing that my husband doesn't want me touching his new MacBook Pro because he thinks I'll drop it, but he's totally cool with me picking up our kids.
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  • 27
    Font - Michele @marvelousmrsmom Anyone else get mad when they overhear their husband on a work call? Like where is this happy, energetic, social person when I want to talk to him?
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  • 28
    Font - smark snarkandlemons and Lewens @snarkandlemons My husband p sed me off sol ordered a toddler kitchen set with an estimated assembly time of 4 hours. God speed.
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  • 29
    Font - Jacana Mommy @jacanamommy 80% of marriage is showing your spouse the item they couldn't find is in the exact place you told them to look.
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wholesome wifey marriage men relationship status married with children Just Married dad jokes wife funny memes husbands married life relationships husband dad love funny tweets mom sarcasm married funny women relationship memes
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